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I could use some comfort

It's been thirteen months since Kimberly was born via emergency c-section two months before her due date. It's been twelve months since she came home from the NICU, she weighed less than five pounds. A year after her birth we had a small and personal celebration, and I managed to mostly put aside my grief of the loss of the birth and pregnancy I dreamed of having. On 3/31 we threw a large party for the anniversary for her coming home. It was great and I'm glad I didn't try and force myself to do that on her birthday. I am still grieving though. Women talk about labour pains, the discomfort and pain of the last few weeks of pregnancy, how easy or difficult the birth was for them, and I envy them beyond words. I often find myself trying to live vicariously through them, though the feeling is always hallow. I would have done anything to have gone to term and never had my baby in the NICU. I was actually looking forward to contractions and birthing, sort of as a test of what I could handle. I can no longer have the idealized home birth I had been contemplating, to do so, I believe, would be irresponsible so instead I hope I can have a successful VBAC at either a birthing center or a responsible hospital. I now have to keep the quality of the NICUs at hospitals in mind when I consider things. I also must accept the reality that I may develop Pre-eclampsia again and may not have the same miraculous outcome. Despite all that I still wish to have another child and to try for a better birth, however there are concerns that I can not simply dismiss and a sadness I can not erase.

1 year ago today...

12-8-2004 (3)-57

i cannot believe that 1 entire year has passed. 1 year ago today, my family was absolutely blessed with this amazing gift...this peaceful, inquisitive, happy, joyful little boy...


here is a link to his birth: http://beautiful1096.livejournal.com/45732.html#cutid1
When I had my first daughter it was an unplanned C-section.  I went in because my water had broken and after 18 hours of labor and about 13 on potocin I never dilated past 3 cms...she didn't descend...I had what was called an arrested labor.  

So they did a C-Section.

So after discussing whether or not to do VBAC with this baby, my doctor has advised against it for the previous pregnancy and other reasons....closeness of pregnancy...etc.  My husband and I discussed it and decided to go with a repeat C-Section.

So my question is, for those of you that had pre-planned C-Sections...how does the process go?

Do they schedule me to come in at a certain time and I get to do everything without all the crazy bells and whistles as my first labor?  I'm assuming I wont have to go through all the potocin and all that?  Will I still stay in the hospital for a few days?  (I assume so because of the whole C-section healing process again).  Will I have to have an icky cather again?   Do they break your water ahead of time if it doesnt break naturally?  (mine broke naturally last time).  

x posted a few places.


Moo just went through a growth spurt and so we need to furnish him with a whole new wardrobe.  I picked up a few cute things at Old Navy, and Target had next to bubkes. Where do you find cute clothes for boys?  I'd love to find some onesies with snappy sayings or cute pictures.  Maybe cute breastfeeding/clothdiapering/AP advocacy things that aren't too in-your-face.
Any leads?


For those of you who've had a few periods (and had a vaginal delivery), do you cramp around your vaginal opening? I've been experiencing cramping for few months now, but only when my period comes around. It feels like the soreness from right after my daughter was born - specifically around my vaginal opening. I can really tell it's there when I'm either using the bathroom or standing in one place for a long time. I don't notice it as much when I'm sitting or laying down.

Am I the only one going through this? I did have an epidural drip and needed a few stitches for tearing, but nothing serious. It's been a year just about since the delivery, and I've had a pap smear. The doctor didn't see anything wrong, but maybe she overlooked something?

Thanks in advance.

Ironically, even though I have a BA in Political Science, I am not one to jump up on a soap box.  But as an LJer I am part of several pregnancy and parenting and I had a thought on how to solve the problem of rampant teen pregnancies and inadequate sex education in the US.  Putting aside the obvious taking care of a human life for the rest of YOUR life...no one told me about these gems of parent hood......

Let teens shadow young parents...and let teens shadow young parents going through the OB/GYN visits!  

Case Number 1:  Cup Peeing:

At EVERY appt you have to pee in a cup.  When you have a big belly..this is rather difficult.....I ABSOLUTELY DETEST...peeing into cups.  I Love being pregnant, I love my daughter and the one on the way...but show a teen girl who is in love with her perfect little teen body the type of ways you have to twist and turn to pee into a teeny tiny cup and she may reconsider prom night advance.

Case Number 2: Father sitting in on the icky stuff

Whether he likes it or not, my husband is always in the room with me at most appts.  Make a teen boy sit through a physical exam and know that his hormonally imbalanced paramour is going through some really uncomfortable shiznit...he'll reconsider too.

Case Number 3: Needles, Needles, and more Needles?

You get poked with a lot of needles while youre pregnant.

Case Number 4: Stupid  Birthing Class Videos and/or Birthing Class instructors

Our Birthing Class instructor had both the stupid videos and was a big flake as well.  i can't believe we had to pay $75 a pop to learn everything that was in "What to Expect When You're Expecting" which you can pick up for 11 bucks at Wal-Mart or even cheaper at a used book store.   

Case Number 5: The Actual Birth Process

It ain't rocket science, but it ain't actually all that pleasant...it hurts....you get poked and prodded in the nether regions by people you know haven't taken you out for dinner recently and never will.....You lose your pride pretty fast when someone does a manual dilation check.  

Now DON'T get me wrong.  I actually don't hate the process..but can you imagine if a 16 year old knew about all this.  I know they didn't tell me ANY of this when I was in high school...not that I had any intention of having kids when I was that young.

But knowing I'm gonna have 2 teenage daughters at the same time 13 years from now puts into perspective the scare tactics I can use :)  bwahahahahahahahahaha  (are you reading this girls?  of course not...your either only 1 and/or unborn at the moment).

So any other moms that want to comment on my commentary...I'd love to hear what you're going to tell your daughters and sons when they reach the dreaded teens years.

X posted everywhere.

For those of you who celebrate easter

What are you getting for your babies easter bakets, what did you use? I got my son 4 baby einstein board books, 2 baby einstein water/bath books, a few sand buckets/shovels, and I plan on getting him some gerber graduate snack items for it. I want to add a few extra things, too but I have no idea what to put into it. Any idea's? We're getting him a kiddie pool for his gift along with the easter basket so I'm looking for idea's. Let me know! :]

Vince had his 'first' easter last year but he was only about 6 days old so this will be his first actual easter. I know he'll be little but I want to make memories for him.